Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
doofenstrudel) wrote2011-08-20 01:58 am
doofenstrudel) wrote2011-08-20 01:58 am
Entry tags:
04 - Various Flavors of Awful
[Action A - Friday the 19th - 457 Stone Street, morning]
[Doofenshmirtz bolts out of bed with such force that the blankets are thrown to the side of the room. Gasping, flailing, he pats himself down to assure himself that he's fine. Head, shoulders, knees, toes, guts, all of them are actually in place... but he's not quite ready to be relieved yet.]
...I'm alive.
[Still in his pyjamas, staring blankly ahead and trying to process the previous day's trauma, he makes his way down into the kitchen. He's hungry. He's thirsty. Unfortunately, someone had apparently already brought the milk in, setting it on the kitchen counter. Convenient! In his semi-drowsy post-ressurection daze, he pours himself a big glass and downs it.]
I'm alive. Alive! ALIVE, I TELL YOU! Ahahahahah!
[Looks like the guy got the hormone free milk.]
[Action B - Same Day - 457 Stone Street, outside, day]
[The garage at 457 Stone Street is wide-open, and there's a horrible ruckus coming from inside it. Objects are being tossed out into the driveway with gusto, and then are retrieved minutes later by a dirty, raving Doofenshmirtz. Sometimes there is hammering. Sometimes the crackle of welding. Occasionally, there's the KER-ZAP of electricity.]
Come on! DO SOMETHING! Arc! Spin up! Work! WORK! WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING!??!
[He's hitting a crudely-constructed metal box with a wrench, over and over and over again.]
[Action C - Same Day - Phone]
I... I am hopeless. Hopeless!
[He sobs into the receiver]
It doesn't work! I've... I've lost my touch! I can construct frames, shells, yes, and wiring really is only wiring and switches are so simple but... but what good is a big red button that does nothing when you press it?!
[A pause, while he blows his nose noisily.]
They took it away from me! My genius! THEY ROBBED ME OF MY GENIUS!!! How am I going to build a Curdleinator and save us all from this horrible place without my genius?!?! THOSE BASTARDS! I WILL MAKE THEM PAY!!!
[Doofenshmirtz bolts out of bed with such force that the blankets are thrown to the side of the room. Gasping, flailing, he pats himself down to assure himself that he's fine. Head, shoulders, knees, toes, guts, all of them are actually in place... but he's not quite ready to be relieved yet.]
...I'm alive.
[Still in his pyjamas, staring blankly ahead and trying to process the previous day's trauma, he makes his way down into the kitchen. He's hungry. He's thirsty. Unfortunately, someone had apparently already brought the milk in, setting it on the kitchen counter. Convenient! In his semi-drowsy post-ressurection daze, he pours himself a big glass and downs it.]
I'm alive. Alive! ALIVE, I TELL YOU! Ahahahahah!
[Looks like the guy got the hormone free milk.]
[Action B - Same Day - 457 Stone Street, outside, day]
[The garage at 457 Stone Street is wide-open, and there's a horrible ruckus coming from inside it. Objects are being tossed out into the driveway with gusto, and then are retrieved minutes later by a dirty, raving Doofenshmirtz. Sometimes there is hammering. Sometimes the crackle of welding. Occasionally, there's the KER-ZAP of electricity.]
Come on! DO SOMETHING! Arc! Spin up! Work! WORK! WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING!??!
[He's hitting a crudely-constructed metal box with a wrench, over and over and over again.]
[Action C - Same Day - Phone]
I... I am hopeless. Hopeless!
[He sobs into the receiver]
It doesn't work! I've... I've lost my touch! I can construct frames, shells, yes, and wiring really is only wiring and switches are so simple but... but what good is a big red button that does nothing when you press it?!
[A pause, while he blows his nose noisily.]
They took it away from me! My genius! THEY ROBBED ME OF MY GENIUS!!! How am I going to build a Curdleinator and save us all from this horrible place without my genius?!?! THOSE BASTARDS! I WILL MAKE THEM PAY!!!
no subject
Th-then don't mount them on the roof where everyone can see them!
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[He bursts into tears, and collapses onto a nearby stool, burying his head in his hands.]
Of course! Of course! How could I be so foolish as to think no one would notice?! No one notices in Danville, but I have permits, I...
This is why I always fail!!!
[Sobbing. Such sobbing.]
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I guess it's good that you have permits, though. I mean, imagine how dangerous the world would be if just anyone was allowed to own a laser cannon! It's already terrible enough without crazy things like that.
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[He snapped angrily, but was quickly back to sniffling and self-pity.]
I had thought that the world was terrible and unfair. And then I came here! It's all... closing in around me! Everything is different! Everyone is different! I.. I don't even have my nemesis any longer!
[He rifles around in his pockets for a handkerchief, finds it, and blows his nose.]
...secret. We...
[There's obvious effort being made to think rationally through the mood-swing haze.]
...we can build down? We can dig. They would not see... [sniffle]
no subject
Mayfield is definitely something else. I thought the world was a rather scary place myself until I came here. Now it seems almost tame compared to some of these guys. I'm sure it won't be hard to find a new nemesis, though, especially with the authorities that are always on our tail for every little thing …
… down? Hey, that's a great idea! They'd have to do a lot of snooping to find it.
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[The idea is devastating. His face falls, and tears are once again welling in his eyes.]
I don't want a new nemesis! No one could foil me like Perry the Platypus could! Anything this town could provide me with would be a, an inferior substitute!
[He rings his hands. He tries to keep his breathing under control.]
A great... yes! It is an excellent idea! We shall DIG!!!
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The worst. ]
What? Don't you want to be successful? [ raises an eyebrow ]
They'll never know the difference.
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YES, of COURSE I want to be successful! It's... just that... it's complicated.
[This was the longest he had gone without Perry bursting into his home and disrupting his life. He still expected him to show up, all beady platypus glare and fedora. Life was wrong with that constant gone.]
Focus, focus, no Perry, no Perry... DIGGING. We dig! We must!
...where are we going to put all the DIRT?!
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I've got it! You're homesick too, aren't you? [ because that was the only way missing one's nemesis of all people makes sense. ]
I didn't even think about that. It would kind of be a giveaway if there was suddenly a mysterious mound of dirt in front of our house, huh? Maybe you can invent something to get rid of the dirt!
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[He giggle. It sounds rather hysterical.]
I can't invent things right now! They don't work! There... there are ways of doing this. Non-invention ways! I am sure, I am sure that... alright. Think this through. We must... re-purpose the dirt! We could enrich it as fertilizer? Volunteer park landscaping? Throw it all out with everyone's trash?!
Oooh, if we were to bag it all up, and sneak ONE bag in with EVERYONE'S trash, that spreads it out...
no subject
So what exactly are the odds of this Pierre guy showing up in Mayfield?
Throw it away?! That's a waste of perfectly good dirt. It'd be way better to give it back to the environment instead.
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No, no, NO! Not "Pierre", Perry! Perry the Platypus! He's a semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action!
[There's finger-jabbing in her general direction! It might be a bit scary!]
Give it back where? There is going to be lots of it! Putting it all in one spot is SUSPICIOUS!
1/?
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[
not that someone who is the personification of a nation should be talking]no subject
done
That was BEAUTIFUL.
[Doof blinks. He seems to have, for the moment, drifted back to an emotionally centered place.]
Is that abnormal? Where I come from, many evil scientists have animal agents for their nemesis... nemesises.. nem....
GAH!
[Ah, goodbye emotional center.]
Fertilizer it is! Gardening! There will be SUCH GARDENING IN THIS TOWN!!!
you're too kind ;u; also 1/2 because i'm feeling spammy tonight
It kind of is.
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You're an evil scientist?! I just thought you were an inventor! Or a not-evil scientist.
[ yup. it's just another day in the daily life of Seychelles. ]
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[Proud of himself. SO proud of himself!]
If you are worried for your safety? No worries. For MAYFIELD is my nemesis now! All of my clever schemes shall be directed at thwarting his town! AHAHAHAHA!!!
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[ she keeps her distance.
just in case. ]
Oh. That's a little better! I don't know if it's possible to be more evil than the town itself, though, they might give you a run for your money.
no subject
Why are you backing away?
[He looks hurt.]
I am at the top of my field! ...but the evil that this town spits out is, well, it is a different field of evil entirely. Over the top. Too much.
no subject
[ she freezes, laughing nervously ] Huh? Wh-whatever do you mean by that?
Tell me about it. I sure hope they don't open a school with those kind of degrees here. No one would stand a chance.
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[Wait, what does everyone do again? That doesn't sound horribly embarrassing to retell?]
...you're running away from me! YOU'RE LEAVING ME! [Oh so hurt looking. Oh so wounded.]
I am not so bad, am I...? Not as bad as all of that...? I only try to be bad in certain contexts...
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