03 - So Very Thirsty

[doofenstrudel]

[A - Action - 457 Stone Street, backdated to Monday]

[So there was the day's milk delivery. And there was the helpful poster, attached to the house's mailbox, declaring that the milk was "mandatory". Which brings us to the Doof, blithely going about his morning in a milk-free fashion. He's scrambling eggs! And making toast!]

Ha! "Mandatory", my nose! I am far too evil to comply with anything "mandatory"!

[And there's cackling, and general being pleased with himself as he eats his breakfast... But oh, the toast is dry. The eggs are too salty. He's thirsty...]

...boy, I could really use a glass of milk.

[No helping it, then. He pours himself a nice big glass, gulps it down, grimaces slightly...]

...That... wasn't so bad.

[Aaaaand he doubles over with sudden stomach cramps.]

[B - Action - Bakery, again backdated to Monday]

[Stomach cramps are no deterrent to Heinz Doofenshmirtz going to work! So there he is. At work. Pale, and shivering, and glassy-eyed, and making a valiant effort at frosting a cake. The pink roses are three layers deep, now.]

I... think I now understand why the letter said to... to not drink the milk....

Comments

[doofenstrudel]

[He's trying to support himself on a chair, but the stomach cramps have him on his knees at this point.]

...drank the milk.

[nosoul-nomind.livejournal.com]

Geez, it must be beyond bad for you to look like that.

[After a moment's hesitation, she'll walk over and try and help him into the chair, at least.]

[doofenstrudel]

[He tenses when Baron first tries to help. If he felt any better, he'd pull away. But feeling as he does, he lets her at least get him to a sitting position.

He remains doubled over, grimacing.]

I feel like little gnomes are tying my intestines in knots...!

[nosoul-nomind.livejournal.com]

[She looks back at the empty bottle, then back at him, questioningly.] Wait, that's not the milk, is it? Jesus, you're lucky you ain't dead. Why'd you go and drink that stuff? I thought everyone knows the stuff the Milkman brings is poisoned.

[doofenstrudel]

[He turns his head away, staring purposefully, intensely at the wall. Anything to avoid making eye contact.]

I was... thirsty?

[That just sounds pathetic! True as it is. Come on, come on, has to be a better excuse than that...]

...science! "Everyone knows" is just a... ggh! Ugh! A... what was I saying? ....science! Empirical proof that it's poisoned!

[nosoul-nomind.livejournal.com]

[NOT IMPRESSED, SIR.] Right. Science. Well, ya have your proof now, i hope you're happy with it. I can call a doctor, I guess.

[doofenstrudel]

There are doctors?

[He forces himself to stand and put on a brave, not-at-all-stupid face.]

Bah, I have no time for doctors! This will... pass, I'm sure, a little time in the bathroom and it will be out of my system! I have work to do!

[nosoul-nomind.livejournal.com]

Yeah. There's that hospital they make me work at? Fulla drones mostly though.

Suit yourself. Probably ain't gonna be pleasant.

[doofenstrudel]

Ugh, no, I'm not having a drone doctor look at me, it would probably poison me, too! Or try to "put me out of my misery"!

[He starts staggering for the stairs, grimacing and grunting. Hopefully he can keep it up long enough to get to the bathroom.]

...there are scrambled eggs in the pan, if you want them!