doofenstrudel | 05 - Sharp-Dressed Villain

[Action A, 457 Stone Street, Morning]

[It's another marginally beautiful Mayfield morning, and Doofenshmirtz has volunteered to head out front and get the mail. Still half-asleep, he steps over the brown-papered package on the front step, staggers to the mailbox, extracts the bills, and steps back over the package without even noticing it. Click, and the door shuts behind him.

A few moments later he's back out on the step, staring down at the thing he had previously ignored.]

Ehn, what's this?

[Peering down at it, he's surprised to see that it's addressed to him. A suspicious look is cast left, then right, then upwards, then he quickly snatches up the package and retreats inside.]

I've heard about this! They've given me something back! I wonder what it is?

[He shakes the box this way and that, judging the weight of the contents. Still no idea. Ah well! He rips the paper off, lifts the lid off of the box inside, to find that he's been given back his labcoat.]

..it's a start. A pretty good start.

[Action B, Bakery]

[Another day, another dollar. Heinz is at work... well, he's at work. Physically present at work, behind the counter and minding the bakery. But he's not doing much. No baking, no frosting, no kneading. He has a notebook in hand, and he's scribbling in it madly, occasionally muttering to himself.]

I'll need three dozen of those... hm, I'm going to need multiple trips. Taking measurements into account, we'll need this much lumber just for the supports.... ooh, and tarps. Tarps are important. Many tarps.

[And he's got his apron tied over his labcoat. Having gotten it back? It's going to take effort to make him remove it.]

[Action C, Around Town]

[His shift at work is done, and Doof is now out and about shopping. Still wearing his labcoat, of course. And grinning from ear to ear, occasionally consulting his notebook before plucking an item from the shelves and tossing it in his shopping cart. Hardware store, general store, record store, he's stopping by it. His list of needs is long. You might catch him between stores, too, arms loaded with bags.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The kind not made with asbestos.

[It is the best language.]

Oh really? Are you a scientist then?

Oooh. Asbestos confetti...

[He flips that notebook back open and quickly scribbles it down for later reference.]

Absolutely! I am not the "take two and call me in the morning" sort of Doctor! I have a Ph.d in Evil, I'll have you know!

Really? I wasn't aware you could get a doctorate in "Evil".

What do you normally work on? Taking over the world?

Now you are aware! It's... not exactly common where I come from, but great strides in evil education have been made in recent decades!

[He blinks.]

Yes, actually! Although I'm working my way up to that. My previous goal was to take over the entire Tri-State Area. This sort of thing is a process, after all. It has steps. It has stages.

[No self-consciousness here, no. While what he's doing may be worth covering up, why lie about what he's done?]

It must have.

Really?

[She seems interested.]

I've never a met a scientist who wanted to take over the world. And I've met a lot of scientists. I was built by them actually.

Really!

[He's enjoying the interest being shown. What an... unusual lady.]

Now you have! Although this town may have others, accounting for different variables for the definition of "world".

You... you were built?

[Extremely fascinating lady! ...and it's taking some willpower to not comment "they did a good job, har har."]

Yes. I'm not really supposed to be human. I'm an AI. I just woke up in a human body here.

[His eyes go wide.]

This town continues to defy my expectations.

I mean... how does that even work?

I have no idea. And you can guess how utterly frustrating that is.

All I know is, one moment I'm in control of a research facility and the next I'm stuck here.

Yes. I believe I can grasp that. Although it could be a clue as to how this place works...

[Oh, the pondering and theories this will lead to...]

Research facility, eh? What was being researched? Anything specific?

Mostly technology.

We were working on a Portal device at the moment... It shoots inter-dimensional portals that you can travel through.

Ooh! That must have some interesting applications.

I did have an OtherDimensionator in the works, before I woke up here.... I wonder if that would be worth resuming research on?

Oh it does. We're quite proud of it.

Really? As in other portals to other dimensions?

It sounds like something worth being proud of!

And yes. Other dimensions! It's only in the planning stages at this point. And my blueprints were left back home. And there was this issue in finding enough space for the self-destruct switch, too...

Do you think you could remake your blueprints here?

Considering we're trapped in what could be a different dimension. It seems like a good device to try and make.

Eh.

[He slumps.]

I don't seem to be able to invent like I used to. It's... gone. Whatever it is that made me able to construct the things I did, I don't seem to have it.

Did you notice that before you came here? Or after?

After, after! The day before I wound up here, I was making considerable progress on an Acneinator! I was just waiting for some parts to come in! Then I wind up HERE and I start trying to put something together in my garage and NOTHING. I get nothing!

Interesting....

This place might have done something to your mind then.

That doesn't sound too unlikely. Have you seen the drones? Have you seen the "kill"drones? There you go.

They've... de-scienced me.

Well that's depressing.

Maybe you'll get it back.

Yes, I have heard that people get things back... I am skeptical that this town would give me what I want so easily or so soon. They gave me my lab coat back, recently. [He sighs.]

Have you ever had something returned to you?

A few things.

A few computers and parts for my turrets. My databases.

It sounds like a start. Something you can work with.

[He lets out a long breath, and dares to smile.]

And for now, I can not work on my non-existent underground lair.