doofenstrudel | 05 - Sharp-Dressed Villain

[Action A, 457 Stone Street, Morning]

[It's another marginally beautiful Mayfield morning, and Doofenshmirtz has volunteered to head out front and get the mail. Still half-asleep, he steps over the brown-papered package on the front step, staggers to the mailbox, extracts the bills, and steps back over the package without even noticing it. Click, and the door shuts behind him.

A few moments later he's back out on the step, staring down at the thing he had previously ignored.]

Ehn, what's this?

[Peering down at it, he's surprised to see that it's addressed to him. A suspicious look is cast left, then right, then upwards, then he quickly snatches up the package and retreats inside.]

I've heard about this! They've given me something back! I wonder what it is?

[He shakes the box this way and that, judging the weight of the contents. Still no idea. Ah well! He rips the paper off, lifts the lid off of the box inside, to find that he's been given back his labcoat.]

..it's a start. A pretty good start.

[Action B, Bakery]

[Another day, another dollar. Heinz is at work... well, he's at work. Physically present at work, behind the counter and minding the bakery. But he's not doing much. No baking, no frosting, no kneading. He has a notebook in hand, and he's scribbling in it madly, occasionally muttering to himself.]

I'll need three dozen of those... hm, I'm going to need multiple trips. Taking measurements into account, we'll need this much lumber just for the supports.... ooh, and tarps. Tarps are important. Many tarps.

[And he's got his apron tied over his labcoat. Having gotten it back? It's going to take effort to make him remove it.]

[Action C, Around Town]

[His shift at work is done, and Doof is now out and about shopping. Still wearing his labcoat, of course. And grinning from ear to ear, occasionally consulting his notebook before plucking an item from the shelves and tossing it in his shopping cart. Hardware store, general store, record store, he's stopping by it. His list of needs is long. You might catch him between stores, too, arms loaded with bags.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[There is a woman in a clown costume looking over your shoulder.]

What's all the tarps for?

[What is it with all the looky-loos today? Doof closes the notebook abruptly, holding it shut with both hands.]

To help carry away the dirt! And also to help keep the dirt from getting in things, and...

Why am I telling you this!? Who are you?! Why are you behind the counter?!

I need to make a sign...

I'm Harley! And I was curious!

[Straightforward, this one.]

Harley. I see.

You're sure you're not here for, say, pie?

[She's a clown, clowns throw pies, it was all coming together in his head so naturally...]

Actually I came here to buy a cupcake. And ta' look at the cakes.

We have cakes. We have cupcakes! Please, feel free to look around, see if you like anything...

[He gestures towards the display case. There are indeed a cakes on display, some with lovely frosting designs on top, some with blank space for a name to be iced on. Also, pink-tinged cupcakes!]

If you've got something particular in mind, we also take orders!

[Hey, every sale filters back into his pocket. Eventually.]

Ooo!

[Goes to look at the display cases.]

Do you make them? They're really neat!

Those ones there? [He indicates the cakes.] Not today's, I'd credit Lithuania with those... but I can bake a very nice cake, if needed.

I did make the strudel! And I frosted the cupcakes.

Sounds like a fun job.

Eh, I've had worse. It's something different.

Although if I keep eating so much strudel, my lab coat won't fit anymore.

What do you usually do?

Oh, you know. Evil science. I build devices, I scheme, I prepare musical numbers...

[That Doof. Always so happy to share.]

What did you do before winding up here, hm?

Really?

Well a long time ago I was a psychiatrist but then I became a criminal. Mostly helping Mr. J, or robbing places. Stuff like that.

[I sense friendship.]

Hm! You seem to have been taking a much more hands-on approach to evil! I can respect that. It takes a certain skill set to do it successfully!

[Hooray for villain friendship!]

I have not introduced myself, Harley. I am Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz!

[He offers his hand for a handshake.]

[Handshake!]

Hi-yeah!

Nice to meetcha'.

Yeah, we usually go for the fun things. But everyone at home think's we're nuts so when we get caught they throw us in the Asylum.

[The handshake concludes as Doof reacts to all this asylum business. He jerks, looking quite horrified.]

That's terrible! That's hardly an appropriate way to be handling villains! How barbaric!

Really? Where do they put you in your world?

....

Well, I can't speak from personal experience, I've never really been caught, only thwarted. Jail? Jail, I'd imagine.

But not an asylum!

Thwarted?

Are you sure? You seem like the "mad scientist" type.

Besides, Arkham's not that bad.

I AM the mad scientist type! I build something, my nemesis shows up, he destroys it, and then runs off! It makes perfect sense!

[But... shouldn't someone be arresting him? Wouldn't that make MORE sense? Unless for some reason he wasn't w...

No no no, we're not going to have us any introspection right now, no sir!]

...how is it not that bad?

Really? You never get arrested? Wow.

It's easy to break out of, I get to see all my friends, they've got pretty good doctors so if you come in beaten up they'll fix you up. Plus it's really easy to break out of.

Oh. Well. When you put it that way, I suppose the system works out well for you. It sounds a little bit like villain vacation!

[He makes a little flinchy-face.]

I... do not want to spend too much time pondering why no one has tried to arrest me, yet. Maybe the platypus isn't authorized to make a citizen's arrest, as a platypus cannot be a citizen, hm...

Yeah, it's only bad sometimes.

.......a platypus?

A platypus!

His name is Perry. He's very good at what he does.

What does he do?

(no subject)

doofenstrudel - 2011-09-05 04:19 (UTC) - Expand